She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
