That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You took a bar mat shot.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
