Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
