Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
