He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
