I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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