I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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