He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
