I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
