you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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