Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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