I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
