he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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