i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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