Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize