Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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