I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
