also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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