every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
