Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
