A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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