It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
