Sry I called you an 8
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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