actually, I'm a sock model
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
