so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I deserve this hangover.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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