Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
