garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
