his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize