my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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