I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
