i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
