Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
