are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
