I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
