Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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