i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
