He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
