my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize