dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
