Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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