Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
