You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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