i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
