is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
