Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
