every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
