this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
