i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
