I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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