Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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