I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
