May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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