Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
