walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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