Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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