my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize