Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
