Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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