so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize