Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
