I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
