i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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