Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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