Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
