so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
