I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
