need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
