Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
