Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
