so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
