I heard we made out
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
why do cheetos always look like penises
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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