therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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