My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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