My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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