my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
