how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
this just has baby written all over it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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