I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
