I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
