Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
