I swear she didn't look like that last week.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Randomize
