I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
