imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
